im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
