I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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