Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
