i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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