Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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