we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
