You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
