Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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