Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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