wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
vagina is talking i cant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
