My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize