I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm really busy with my period
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