In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
