Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
