I'm lost and stupid without you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
