New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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