is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
