I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
