im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
