I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
