you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
