Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize