Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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