I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In America we eat man semen.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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