brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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