I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
