Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
