WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
