any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
