come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
