CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
