I bet he comes in French.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
