I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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