wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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