Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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