The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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