It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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