what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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