I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
