Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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