I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
