i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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