I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
