I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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