I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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