No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
