forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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