If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
