im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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