2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
