Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
