i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
