Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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