Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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