so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
