Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
