He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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