When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
