I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
