grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
