Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its not stalking. its research.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
