We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
