Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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