when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
