you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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