we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
