you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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