Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
