do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
