he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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