dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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