I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
