You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
