im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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