Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
