If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize