I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
