Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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