Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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