...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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