im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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